Chiang Mai

I swore I would say No to busses
Awaking early on Monday, primarily as a result of going to bed so early as there was nothing for me to do in Sukhothai I head down to the restaurant for breakfast. Clearly way too early, there doesn't appear to be a single other person in sight, so I sit down and wait for a while.

Eventually one of the staff comes running out, apologising profusely for leaving me waiting, and sets about preparing breakfast. It was a pretty hefty breakfast, bacon, ham, eggs, sausages, watermelon, juice, milk, coffee, cereal, toast. Far more food than the average human would ever require for breakfast... I consume it all.

I then head to the front desk to tell them I want to check out early and get a bus to Chiang Mai. At first, the concierge is not keen saying "You stay longer and ride more, bus tomorrow, I book bus for you tomorrow".  Hmmm, message not quite getting through. I insist that I will leave today, and he is kind enough to fully refund my second night even though it was supposed to be no refund within 24 hours! Hooray! He calls a taxi which takes me to the bus station.

Now airports in Thailand are very organised, with most things written in English, making it extremely easy to know what to do. Bus stations are a little more disorganised. I buy a ticket from a bus company for Chiang Mai.  I can't read a word of what is written on the ticket, so I have to presume that it says Chiang Mai on it somewhere. 

There is no departures board telling me which stop my bus will be leaving from, so I stand in the centre of the station hoping to see my company's logo on a bus. A Thai lady starts asking me "You going Chiang Mai", "Yes" I reply, "This bus, this bus" she says, pointing at a pretty uncomfortable looking bus. I note that the busses logo does not match the logo on my ticket. I then start questioning whether she said "Chiang Mai" or "Chiang Rai". I walk over to the man who is collecting baggage and try to ask him, but he completely ignores my question, grabs my bag from my hand and throws it into the bus... guess that makes the question irrelevant now. Whether Chiang Mai or Chiang Rai, I will be getting on this bus!

I was correct about it being uncomfortable, here is a picture of my leg room.

Hard to see exactly, but basically my backpack has to sit on my lap because it won't fit in the overhead compartment, my knees are pushed firmly into the back of the seat in front (you can just see the my jeans on the right of the bag), and I am incapable of putting my seat back due to an equally tall person behind. I feel like I recall an equally horrible bus journey, or six, in South America, at which point I swore that any journeys greater than an hour on a bus I would be flying a plane even if it meant chartering it. Should have stuck with that promise.

I ask the passenger behind me where he is going, hoping to have it confirmed this bus is going to Chiang Mai. He's an American guy, and unfortunately he can neither confirm nor deny whether the bus is going to Chiang Mai, as he is going to Lampang. I take out my lonely planet guide, which shows that Lampang is about 3-4 hours drive away, and sits nicely at the fork where you would proceed to either Chiang Mai or Chiang Rai. Looks like I will have to wait until Lampang to see whether we turn left or right. Four very uncomfortable hours later we reach Lampang. Fortunately most people hop off the bus, so whether I end up in Chiang Rai or Chiang Mai, at least I will get there comfortably, however I'm relieved when I sense that the bus is heading more to the north west than the north east, so to Chiang Mai it is!

Bargaining
Now the bus station in Chiang Mai is a few kilometres from the Old City, where my hotel is located. My lonely planet guide has prepared me well that there won't be any metered taxis, so I will have to catch a tuk tuk or sorng-taa-ou (shared taxi, which looks like a ute with a canopy and a seat in the back). I walk up to a tuk tuk driver and ask how much to my hotel.  She replies "100 baht". This is a rip-off (apparently), so I then offer her 70 baht. "100 baht" she replies... hmm, it seems she has a much stronger position than me, as I am in need of a tuk tuk and she is not. At the end of the day 30 baht is about $1, so I jump onboard my first tuk tuk ride in Thailand!

The first thing I notice about Chiang Mai is that it doesn't smell great. There seems to be a fair bit of pollution from the traffic, and someone had the grand idea to build a moat around the city. The moat is stagnant and for the most part smells like arse. However Chiang Mai has retained more of its charm than Bangkok. The people are much friendlier, and the tuk tuk drivers/locals are not trying to lie to you, force you into a crappy gem store, or tell you that temples are closed. Also once you are away from the main drag, the soi (little streets) are quite peaceful, lined with thai massage parlours, laundrys, hostels, bars and restaurants.

I check in at Smile Guest House, which is to be my home for the next three nights. The room isn't quite as lavish as my previous, but it still contains a queen bed, plasma tv, air conditioning and a private bath and shower. It also appears to be pretty clean.  First up to take a shower. I turn on the tap - it strikes me as odd that there is only one tap. This is what I am greeted with after turning the tap:

That's right, absolutely nothing.  I leave it for a few minutes and eventually I get a trickle of cold water. Apparently this Toshiba device with a 5 year warranty is supposed to be heating the water.

 I'm guessing it is approximately 6 years old.

I've been sitting on a bus too long to care, so I head out to find food and explore the city. Not satisfied with my first attempt at haggling for a taxi, I decide I will attempt haggling with some street vendors again, determined to snag myself a bargain!

Purchase 1: Small backpack
I am tiring of carrying around my backpack as its a laptop bag and far too cumbersome. I spy a small bag which would be perfect.
Me: "How much"
Vendor: "550 baht"
Me: "400 baht"
Vendor: "sold"

Ok. As soon as I hear those words, I suspect that I have been ripped off.

Suspicions are confirmed approximately 36 hours later:

Hmm.

Purchase 2: Board shorts
I have travelled to Thailand without board shorts. This will present a problem with performing any dirty or wet activities I may undertake, sure to be frequent in Phuket, and I am suspecting also for tomorrow when I intend on visiting an elephant park.
Me: "How much?"
Vendor: "400 baht"
Me: "50 baht", I go in low and hard, she didn't have a chance to see that coming!
Vendor: "350 baht"
Me: "80 baht", I hit her square with another low ball.
Vendor: (shocked at this skilled, suave, unpredictable foreigner haggling like a pro!) "200 baht"

This is getting tense ladies and gentlemen, who will crack first!

Me: "130 baht"
Vendor: "150 baht"
Me: "SOLD"

Nice.  I have just scored myself a pair of billabong (read: standard board shorts with billabong illegally sewn into them) board shorts for about $5. My amazing haggling saved me 350 baht, or about $11, and she probably can't pay for electricity that week. Can't help but feel a little guilty after doing this.

I can happily report that they appear to be holding together better than the backpack.

One grey elephant balancing...
In amongst the excitement of haggling I set about booking an elephant tour for the following day. Seems like it will be pretty easy, I look for a shop with pictures of elephants and tourists, I enter, I purchase the tour. The first place I go into tells me they don't do elephant tours, they only do bookings for the Flight of the Gibbon (a zipline). Any elephants, pictures of elephants, words reading "Book elephant tours here", in the signs and marketing on the front of their shop are apparently completely accidental. In the end I just asked at my hostel and they were able to book me one with a company called "Peak Tours". Imagine my horror, when I awake and see this in the driveway outside my room:

This crappy old van is proudly displaing the logo of my tour company, and I suspect I may have to ride in this for over an hour out to the elephant park. Fortunately I did not, and another nice new van showed up soon later.

An elephant never forgets
But only what it remembers... We arrive out at the elephant sanctuary after about an hours journey. Here they are:

Apparently the elephants don't like new people, and if any mahout tries to jump and ride one, it will more than likely shake them off. To get around this, they fool the elephants by giving the tourists exactly the same clothes everyday, and getting them to feed the elephants first. So basically the elephants assume that these little blue people show up every morning around 10:30am to feed them bananas and sugar cane, and they love them for it.

Sometimes their love gets a little too physical - take a guy to dinner first!

We get trained in some basic elephant commands: "Pie" means go, "Kway" means left, or right (you then push your feet behind the ear that you want them to turn away from, "How" means stop, and "Non lon" means sit down.  Up I hop:

Once we have that mastered, it's time to commence our journey, which will be about an hour long. It's pretty scary sitting on one of these things! You're over two metres off the ground, and their neck and back aren't exactly designed for comfort.

Meet Soong-Ton

Yep, that's him there. Soong Ton is a male, 27 years old, and likes eating bananas, sugar cane, long walks in the jungle and getting caught in the rain. But hands off ladies, he's taken! Here he is with his lover, apparently they have been seeing each other for three months or so and the mahouts are hoping for a pregnancy soon! (So much pressure for the young fellow)

Does my bum look big in this?

I think he's taking the piss

Classic Glenn pun
As we are riding along our trek, we arrive at a very steep decline in the path. As the elephant starts to lean forward I begin feeling very unstable. I'm riding on its back at this time, and there's just a piece of rope to hold onto. The elephant starts to slow down a bit, and the mahout behide it starts yelling "Pie, Pie" to make it go faster (there are other elephants waiting behind). I start yelling "no Pie, no Pie!". Unfortunately, the elephant doesn't actually speak English so has no idea what to do with the word "no", and is just hearing "Pie" so it picks up speed and moves forward.

Even with death or severe injury sure to follow, I manage to eke out what I would be proud to be my final words "No Pie, No Pie, I'm too young to Pie!".

The mahout stares blankly...

The hilarity of my joke is entirely lost on him as I chuckle at my comment. Fortunately my passenger on the elephant is American, and is able to give it some modest laughter (although still less than I feel it deserved).

Anyway, now that that story is out of the way, here is some video of me riding the elephant!

At the end of the day we treat our elephants to a bath. They are really playful, especially when they're in the water.

Me throwing a bucket of water at an elephant:

The elephant retaliates:

In all games against a 4 tonne 2.5 metre tall beast, beast wins.

Binge Eating
We get back around 6 in the evening from the elephant park. I am hungry, so I wander my merry way down to a local market. There are rows and rows of street food vendors, and it smells amazing. Putting all fear of food poisining to the side, I embark on what could only be described as a horriffic binge session of the street food. Noodles (so hot my eyes were watering), shishkebabs, dumplings, weird little pancakes that are still gooey in the middle. At one point one of things I was given was just put in a plastic bag and I was given no implement with which to consume it! A quick trip to the 7-11 to buy some plastic cuttlery and I am on my way again.

After a solid hour of wandering along eating new things I am well and truly stuffed. If I don't get food poisoning or diarrhoea from this, then I shall consider myself invincible. (Happy to report that 24 hours later and still in tip-top condition).

Master Chef
Today I prepared myself a fall back position for when the world ultimately falls over in GFC 2, by undertaking some advanced cullinary training.

I organised this on the same night as organising my elephant tour, but was more successful. While I was at the booking office, the guide asks me if I will require a pickup from my hostel.
"Yes please", I reply.
He asks the name of my hostel, to which I respond "Smile".
He looks puzzled "That is just around the corner correct?".
"Yes, I think so."

He still looks puzzled but writes it down and sends me on my way.  What I had missed in his explanation, apparently, was that we were to meet first at the booking office, and then we would all be transported out to the kitchens (about an hour out of Chiang Mai). So this morning a van pulls up at the hostel, I get in, and we drive not more than about 30 metres and the van stops and we all get out... hmm. I feel a little sheepish. Given how horrible traffic is here, it was probably an incredible amount of effort to navigate to my hostel just to drive me within sight of my hostel.

In the kitchen, we are given instructions on what we are about to make. I keep hearing words like "careful", "finely dice", "patience" being mentioned. I had my early cullinary training in the Robyn Sheedy kitchens. Words like "Patience", "Careful", and "Fine" had no place there. When she walks around and first looks in my mortar and pestle and sees me trying to bash entire chunks of chilli and lemongrass into a pulp, she breaks into laughter. Not surprisingly, it takes me three times as long to crush my curry paste as everyone else.  But I get there in the end, and the proof, as they say, is in the pudding curry.

Posing for an action shot:

Another finished product:

Don't expect me to cook anything like this when I get back. I had originally claimed I would do this, but its bloody time consuming and hard work. If I invite you over for Thai, it will be coming from Bow Thai on the corner of Wickham and Gipps St in the Fortitude Valley. If you like I will organise it on a plate for you.

Anyway, that just about covers everything. Tomorrow I fly to Phuket to embark on the next part of my journey, as shown graphically below:

I have just completed the "Culture" leg of my trip. We now move onto the more exciting and adventurous "Drinking" leg.

Expect no more updates.

Glenn

Two blog posts in one day?

Glenn must be bored!
Yes, that is indeed correct.

The day started well enough with my early morning flight to Sukhothai, and then a minivan to Old Sukhothai where my hotel is located near the historic park, which is UNESCO world heritage listed.

I'm asked to wait a few minutes while my room is prepared so I grab a coffee (and conveniently update my blog). I'm soon alerted that my room is ready. Now I had guessed that this was a couply hotel, but I underestimated just how couply.

That is one giant king size bed, adorned with flower petals delicately placed along a sparkling piece of cloth, overlooking a quiet balcony for TWO with a small waterfeature outside... I feel a little out of place.

I wonder what reading material they will provide, surely there is something for everyone. Some people might be interested in reading about the old park? Some people might be interested in reading about the rain forests. Some, still, might be interested in white water rafting or night safari's.

No, here at Tharaburi Resort, they cater for one style of guest only. The reading material speaks for itself:

I decide to leave before I have a chance to give too much thought to what the persistent creaking noise is coming from the room above. I jump on a bike from the front of the hotel and off I go.

Stop right now, thank you very much, I need somebody with Buddha's Touch

The historic park is nothing short of breathtaking. The mist that hung over the park only served to give the surroundings a more mystical atmosphere. There are a LOT of Buddhas. I couldn't find the place to hire the audio guide, so I have no idea about the story for most of the park. There were some signs with writing on them, but cruising around on my bike I was too lazy to stop and read. The pictures can speak for themselves.

When I buy my ticket, I am given a map. It turns out this map should be considered nothing more than an artists impression of what the site looks like. It is definitely not to scale, and none of the roads lined up with where they said they would be.  (some just aren't there at all, some are there but not on the map!). But its easy enough to just randomly ride around the park.

Lonely Planet tells me it's considered sacrilegious to pose in front of Buddhas. Looking around me there aren't too many Thai's who might be offended, and fortunately I'm not Buddhist so I'm not afraid of him striking me down (and even with my limited knowledge of Buddhism, I'm pretty sure he's not that type of guy anyway), so I jump in for a quick happy snap with this fellow

This group of people were praying. It involved a whole lot of hollering and walking around in a circle for a long time. Makes me think back to praying the Rosary as a family as a child - it would have been much more interesting if we placed the alter in the middle of the room and just walked around yelling at the top of our lungs!

And it's good to see that the Thais have taken a practical approach to UNESCO World Heritage listing status. While they encourage tourists, and I'm sure they're cleaning and maintaining it all the time, they also allow this:

Nothing like cow hooves to ensure a thousand year old historic site is kept in tip top condition...

  

This next Buddha was MASSIVE!  It's at least as high as a three storey house, and he has a gigantic golden hand.

The photos don't really do it justice, but his hand as about as tall as I am.

Anyway, this has taken the best part of four/five hours (including a walk through a museum and some sort of "fruit" cocktail... not sure exactly what "fruit" is blue, must be a native...) so I decide to head home.  I ride back in the direction I came.  Or so I thought...

This:

Is not my hotel.  It takes me about another 45 minutes of riding, and trying to glean some sort of information from the cartoon they are calling a map, before I make it back to my honeymoon suite.

For those who may consider a honeymoon here, it is lovely. This is the shower:

A wooden floor, plants, and an open roof!  (not sure how you go when it's raining... although I guess it's just more water)

So I have decided to cut short my stay in Sukhothai. I was thinking perhaps of going to New Sukhothai tomorrow, but some Swedish backpackers who I was riding around with today said there is nothing to do there either, and you should leave as soon as you've seen the park. So I'm taking their advice and am catching a bus up to Chiang Mai a day early.

I called 2 different hostels (I have toned it down a notch, in an effort not to end up in a hotel with a bed shaped like a love heart). The two top recommended were sold out.  So I took a leap down the list to Smile Guest House.  It has reasonable reviews, and is modestly priced. I spoke to them on the phone, not sure he understood me. I asked him three times if he could email a confirmation, and he said he didn't understand. I also said I would check in tomorrow, 27th of February and stay three nights. He replied "So, checking out 30 February"... hmmm not quite. Hopefully he hasn't booked too many people to check in on 30 February because there won't be many arriving!

Anyway, I might go and enjoy a candle lit dinner for one at the quiet, romantic, tranquil, (and other cliche you can throw at it) restaurant of the hotel.

Bangkok

So, after being rushed to my gate by the announcer making a final boarding call for my flight, I boarded and they announced they were refuelling the aircraft, so we would be sitting on the plane for an additional 15-20 minutes.  Bloody stupid if you ask me, no wonder people hate Qantas.  I’m pretty sure everyone would rather wait in the terminal for that extra 15-20 minutes. Everyone except the smug passengers in Business and First Class who have already started receiving their premium service. However, in the hope that one day I may also be sitting in the pointy end of the plane, I hope this is a tradition Qantas continues (i.e., pandering to the needs of the few by sacrificing the comfort of the many) so that I can also bask in the warm glow of inequality at its best.

Don’t try to BS me!

Not more than ten minutes had I been sitting on the plane, when a stranger asked if I would mind switching seats so that his wife could sit next to him. I was a little apprehensive, first because of this:

And secondly, because I suspected some BS was about to go down!  (See the Bastable-Sheedy method from my trip to South America). He claimed that he also had an exit row, so I would be no worse off in terms of leg room.  Clued up, I ask to inspect the seat, and then I ask the air hostess if I can switch (this is key, because she checks the other passengers ticket to ensure it is indeed their seat to trade!). Fortunately, everything checked out.

The long flight to Bangkok commences, nothing of interest occurs really for the next 9 hours.

I land in Bangkok at about midnight. This airport is very new and very clean, loving it so far. After a small amount of difficulty finding my bag (or rather, finding the carousel containing my bag) I head to find transport to the hotel. Now in Lima Alice and I (or rather, I) were conned into a more expensive (but in my opinion, more comfortable and friendly) ride from the airport to our hostel. This time I’m determined this shan’t happen again, so I push past the hoards offering me private limousine transfers etc., and head to the general taxi queue.

I had heard a lot of the ‘Thai Smile’ that would welcome me everywhere, and that they would be easily impressed if you even tried to say some words in their language. My Taxi driver was clearly the exception to this rule. “Sa wat dee” I say, hopefully meaning “Hello”. He couldn’t have looked more pissed off to have my business.  No smile, and he barely even acknowledged that I had attempted to say something to him.  Perhaps my pronunciation made this sound like an insult, who knows. But what ensued was a long, silent journey from the airport toe Khao San Road.

I pay, get out, and am greeted by a street that can only be described as chaos, or should I say “Khaos” (pun intended). It’s Friday night, at about 1am, in the main backpacker strip of Bangkok. You can’t drive down Khao San Road, so I am dropped at the front, and my hotel is all the way at the other end. I fight my way down the street dragging my suitcase. Although there are a lot of people, it doesn’t feel quite dangerous, and 90% of the people are foreigners just out for a good time. Exhausted, I check in around 2am.

Now many of you reading this will know Alister Rathie, and his incredible trick to fold a napkin into a delicate rose. Well Alister, I have a new challenge for you, try folding a towel into an elephant!

Stop the Lies!

Next morning I get up about 9:30 and decide I am going to head to the Grand Palace and Emerald Buddha first thing. As soon as I get out the door I am greeted by a number of tuk tuk drivers who want my business. According to my map, I’m close enough to walk, but these guys are very persistent. Telling me it’s a very long walk, and they’ll get me there cheap. Lies!

Pushing on, I get to the main drag, on the corner is a helpful fellow. He comes up and asks me where I’m from. “Australia” I say. (I’m not sure what he needs this information for, I’m about 80 shades paler than everyone, so I’m clearly foreign, he should just start his game and get it over with). He then proceeds to tell me that there has been an explosion at the Grand Palace and it’s closed, but that he knows someone who can take me to see the Big Buddha which is better. I thank him, but say I will check it out anyway.  Committed to the lie, he then pulls out a page of a newspaper, completely in Thai, with a picture of police and a building on fire, which supposedly proves that there has been an explosion. I thank him for his help but continue walking, he follows for a little while but then gives up. I have survived my first test.

Closer to the entrance of the palace, I am greeted by another "helpful" Thai man. He tells me that its 10am, and this is the time the monks pray, so it will be closed to visitors and I should instead go in the afternoon. I humour him, and keep chatting for a little while as I continue to walk in the direction, getting some recommendations of where else I should probably head. We are getting closer to the entrance, he senses this and tells me we should really get a tuk-tuk to some other temple. I point at the entrance and say “that looks like the entrance, seems to be a lot of people going in”. “They’re all the monks going to pray”. Trying not to laugh that he has compared t-shirt wearing and thong wearing tourists to monks, I continue walking with him hovering alongside. A police officer appears from nowhere walking towards me, suddenly my best friend has something urgent to attend to, and is gone! I have survived the second test.

It may seem that I am suggesting the Thai’s are all lieing scoundrels, but they aren’t. Nor are they the only ones telling lies, this is one of the biggest lies ever!

Gourmet Coffee my ass! Unless “gourmet’ translates to nescafe blend 43 in hot water! (I recall a similar incident at Dunkin Doughnuts in Santiago… guess I haven’t learnt my lesson). In my defence, I bought that this morning at the airport because I needed somewhere who would break a 1000 baht note, and I knew McDonalds would have no qualms about taking my money, no matter how large the denomination. Anyway, I digress.

The Grand Palace

As I enter the gate of the Grand Palace I am greeted by a lot of people offering to be my guide. As I get closer to the ticket office, one lady claims that she is the last guide and once I get inside I won’t be able to hire one. I call shenanigans, ignore her, and pay to enter. Turns out she may be the only one who was not telling a lie. Once inside there doesn’t appear to be anywhere to hire a guide.

Fortunately, heaps of other people have been smart enough to hire guides, so I get by hovering close enough to other tour groups to hear commentary, but not close enough for them to suspect I’m stealing it. The first guide I'm eavesdropping on is rolling out the standard lines, "The story of the Emerald Buddha is part romance, part drama, part action, part comedy".. yada yada yada, war this, emperor that, there are 4000 types of potato... wait, the last one might be a flash back to my time in Peru.

The palace and temple, Sparkling in the harsh Bangkok sun, it’s truly something to behold. Speaking of the harsh Bangkok sun, not sure why this wasn’t mentioned in my lonely planet guide, but its bloody hot here! Wandering around all day without a hat is a stupid idea. Epic sunburn on day one, not a good start.

Anyway, here are some pictures of the palace and temple:

This is the Emerald Buddha 

The murals on the walls are impressive. My favourite characters are this guy who is walking along doing the funky chicken:

And this guy – no doubts about what team he’s playing for….

About time for lunch, I head to one of the lonely planet recommended restaurants. It’s about 15 minutes walk. I sit down and take a look at the menu. It’s easy to see the three dishes which are recommended by Lonely Planet (and probably every other travel handbook), as they are triple the price of everything else on the menu. I follow the crowd and order the crab in yellow chilli. Amazing.

Quickly assessing my condition, I decide I am not nearly sunburnt enough so its best that I walk about 15 minutes to the Golden Mountain, so that I might climb even closer to the sun and let my Irish skin really lap up some rays. This fake mountain is probably 100 metres or so high, and the whole way up there are bells hanging on the side of the path for you to ring.

There are also gigantic gongs like at the start of old movies!

 From the top you can have a 360 degree view of Bangkok. Here is about 90 degrees of that view:

Hopefully the crab I ate for lunch didn't come out of this:

Guessing this probably won't be the last big Buddha I see:

Later in the evening, I head to some park where I hear there is going to be some authentic Thai music and dancing. Here they are, looking happy as can be!

Hmm… at second glance, they don’t look so happy. That’s because that girl is making a god awful noise on some sort of horizontal guitar/harp thing. It is reminiscent of my attempt to play my guitar when I get home at about 3am on a Friday night after a few too many jager bombs.

The good thing is there are lots of street vendors selling food. Putting all fear of food poisoning to the side, I dive right in and try a few things. No idea what any of them were, some delicious, some crap. I head back to Khao San Road and go for a bit more of a wander, grab a beer at an Irish bar (can’t resist them) before heading back to the hotel about 10pm. A tame night by Bangkok standards, but I do have to be up at 4am to fly to Sukhothai (not sure how I thought that would be a good idea when I was doing it).

Anyway, have just arrived at the hotel in Sukhothai. Am having a coffee here before jumping on a bicycle and heading for a tour.

Still haven't learnt to say Goodbye in Thai, so will have to stick with English.

Goodbye