Bangkok

So, after being rushed to my gate by the announcer making a final boarding call for my flight, I boarded and they announced they were refuelling the aircraft, so we would be sitting on the plane for an additional 15-20 minutes.  Bloody stupid if you ask me, no wonder people hate Qantas.  I’m pretty sure everyone would rather wait in the terminal for that extra 15-20 minutes. Everyone except the smug passengers in Business and First Class who have already started receiving their premium service. However, in the hope that one day I may also be sitting in the pointy end of the plane, I hope this is a tradition Qantas continues (i.e., pandering to the needs of the few by sacrificing the comfort of the many) so that I can also bask in the warm glow of inequality at its best.

Don’t try to BS me!

Not more than ten minutes had I been sitting on the plane, when a stranger asked if I would mind switching seats so that his wife could sit next to him. I was a little apprehensive, first because of this:

And secondly, because I suspected some BS was about to go down!  (See the Bastable-Sheedy method from my trip to South America). He claimed that he also had an exit row, so I would be no worse off in terms of leg room.  Clued up, I ask to inspect the seat, and then I ask the air hostess if I can switch (this is key, because she checks the other passengers ticket to ensure it is indeed their seat to trade!). Fortunately, everything checked out.

The long flight to Bangkok commences, nothing of interest occurs really for the next 9 hours.

I land in Bangkok at about midnight. This airport is very new and very clean, loving it so far. After a small amount of difficulty finding my bag (or rather, finding the carousel containing my bag) I head to find transport to the hotel. Now in Lima Alice and I (or rather, I) were conned into a more expensive (but in my opinion, more comfortable and friendly) ride from the airport to our hostel. This time I’m determined this shan’t happen again, so I push past the hoards offering me private limousine transfers etc., and head to the general taxi queue.

I had heard a lot of the ‘Thai Smile’ that would welcome me everywhere, and that they would be easily impressed if you even tried to say some words in their language. My Taxi driver was clearly the exception to this rule. “Sa wat dee” I say, hopefully meaning “Hello”. He couldn’t have looked more pissed off to have my business.  No smile, and he barely even acknowledged that I had attempted to say something to him.  Perhaps my pronunciation made this sound like an insult, who knows. But what ensued was a long, silent journey from the airport toe Khao San Road.

I pay, get out, and am greeted by a street that can only be described as chaos, or should I say “Khaos” (pun intended). It’s Friday night, at about 1am, in the main backpacker strip of Bangkok. You can’t drive down Khao San Road, so I am dropped at the front, and my hotel is all the way at the other end. I fight my way down the street dragging my suitcase. Although there are a lot of people, it doesn’t feel quite dangerous, and 90% of the people are foreigners just out for a good time. Exhausted, I check in around 2am.

Now many of you reading this will know Alister Rathie, and his incredible trick to fold a napkin into a delicate rose. Well Alister, I have a new challenge for you, try folding a towel into an elephant!

Stop the Lies!

Next morning I get up about 9:30 and decide I am going to head to the Grand Palace and Emerald Buddha first thing. As soon as I get out the door I am greeted by a number of tuk tuk drivers who want my business. According to my map, I’m close enough to walk, but these guys are very persistent. Telling me it’s a very long walk, and they’ll get me there cheap. Lies!

Pushing on, I get to the main drag, on the corner is a helpful fellow. He comes up and asks me where I’m from. “Australia” I say. (I’m not sure what he needs this information for, I’m about 80 shades paler than everyone, so I’m clearly foreign, he should just start his game and get it over with). He then proceeds to tell me that there has been an explosion at the Grand Palace and it’s closed, but that he knows someone who can take me to see the Big Buddha which is better. I thank him, but say I will check it out anyway.  Committed to the lie, he then pulls out a page of a newspaper, completely in Thai, with a picture of police and a building on fire, which supposedly proves that there has been an explosion. I thank him for his help but continue walking, he follows for a little while but then gives up. I have survived my first test.

Closer to the entrance of the palace, I am greeted by another "helpful" Thai man. He tells me that its 10am, and this is the time the monks pray, so it will be closed to visitors and I should instead go in the afternoon. I humour him, and keep chatting for a little while as I continue to walk in the direction, getting some recommendations of where else I should probably head. We are getting closer to the entrance, he senses this and tells me we should really get a tuk-tuk to some other temple. I point at the entrance and say “that looks like the entrance, seems to be a lot of people going in”. “They’re all the monks going to pray”. Trying not to laugh that he has compared t-shirt wearing and thong wearing tourists to monks, I continue walking with him hovering alongside. A police officer appears from nowhere walking towards me, suddenly my best friend has something urgent to attend to, and is gone! I have survived the second test.

It may seem that I am suggesting the Thai’s are all lieing scoundrels, but they aren’t. Nor are they the only ones telling lies, this is one of the biggest lies ever!

Gourmet Coffee my ass! Unless “gourmet’ translates to nescafe blend 43 in hot water! (I recall a similar incident at Dunkin Doughnuts in Santiago… guess I haven’t learnt my lesson). In my defence, I bought that this morning at the airport because I needed somewhere who would break a 1000 baht note, and I knew McDonalds would have no qualms about taking my money, no matter how large the denomination. Anyway, I digress.

The Grand Palace

As I enter the gate of the Grand Palace I am greeted by a lot of people offering to be my guide. As I get closer to the ticket office, one lady claims that she is the last guide and once I get inside I won’t be able to hire one. I call shenanigans, ignore her, and pay to enter. Turns out she may be the only one who was not telling a lie. Once inside there doesn’t appear to be anywhere to hire a guide.

Fortunately, heaps of other people have been smart enough to hire guides, so I get by hovering close enough to other tour groups to hear commentary, but not close enough for them to suspect I’m stealing it. The first guide I'm eavesdropping on is rolling out the standard lines, "The story of the Emerald Buddha is part romance, part drama, part action, part comedy".. yada yada yada, war this, emperor that, there are 4000 types of potato... wait, the last one might be a flash back to my time in Peru.

The palace and temple, Sparkling in the harsh Bangkok sun, it’s truly something to behold. Speaking of the harsh Bangkok sun, not sure why this wasn’t mentioned in my lonely planet guide, but its bloody hot here! Wandering around all day without a hat is a stupid idea. Epic sunburn on day one, not a good start.

Anyway, here are some pictures of the palace and temple:

This is the Emerald Buddha 

The murals on the walls are impressive. My favourite characters are this guy who is walking along doing the funky chicken:

And this guy – no doubts about what team he’s playing for….

About time for lunch, I head to one of the lonely planet recommended restaurants. It’s about 15 minutes walk. I sit down and take a look at the menu. It’s easy to see the three dishes which are recommended by Lonely Planet (and probably every other travel handbook), as they are triple the price of everything else on the menu. I follow the crowd and order the crab in yellow chilli. Amazing.

Quickly assessing my condition, I decide I am not nearly sunburnt enough so its best that I walk about 15 minutes to the Golden Mountain, so that I might climb even closer to the sun and let my Irish skin really lap up some rays. This fake mountain is probably 100 metres or so high, and the whole way up there are bells hanging on the side of the path for you to ring.

There are also gigantic gongs like at the start of old movies!

 From the top you can have a 360 degree view of Bangkok. Here is about 90 degrees of that view:

Hopefully the crab I ate for lunch didn't come out of this:

Guessing this probably won't be the last big Buddha I see:

Later in the evening, I head to some park where I hear there is going to be some authentic Thai music and dancing. Here they are, looking happy as can be!

Hmm… at second glance, they don’t look so happy. That’s because that girl is making a god awful noise on some sort of horizontal guitar/harp thing. It is reminiscent of my attempt to play my guitar when I get home at about 3am on a Friday night after a few too many jager bombs.

The good thing is there are lots of street vendors selling food. Putting all fear of food poisoning to the side, I dive right in and try a few things. No idea what any of them were, some delicious, some crap. I head back to Khao San Road and go for a bit more of a wander, grab a beer at an Irish bar (can’t resist them) before heading back to the hotel about 10pm. A tame night by Bangkok standards, but I do have to be up at 4am to fly to Sukhothai (not sure how I thought that would be a good idea when I was doing it).

Anyway, have just arrived at the hotel in Sukhothai. Am having a coffee here before jumping on a bicycle and heading for a tour.

Still haven't learnt to say Goodbye in Thai, so will have to stick with English.

Goodbye