So much to tell!

Hello again,

The last few days have been absolutely hectic.  We have travelled at least 1000km I believe and seen and done so much.

When I last wrote we were about to head to downtown Lima for the first time.  Here we visited a very old church (a monastery perhaps...) which was quite spectacular.  We also went under the church to check out the catacombs.  No photos allowed there unforuntately, but just imagine you are in a very small underground lair surrounded by bones and you get the picture.  Here´s a snap of the interior of the church - built by the Spaniards, have forgotten the date, but a long time ago.

And me out the front of another church in downtown Lima.

One of the strangest things we saw was a bizarre religious ritual invovling a llama.  In the photo below, all these guys are wearing brightly coloured clothes covered in bells.  They basically spin the llama around and stir it up a bit, then one of the guys in bells tries to get it to drink from a bottle of beer!  No idea what this is supposed to symbolise.  I guess its Lima, its hot, there´s nothing else to do, why not get a llama drunk.

After this we jumped on a long bus ride down the coast to Pisco.  On the way we were treated to the cinematic masterpiece that is The Fast and the Furious 5 (or was it 6... can´t remember), played at about 10 times the safe decible limit in Portuguese, with Spanish subtitles.  The bus ride was about four hours long, so Alice and I had time to consider the next movie that might appear in this franchise starring Vin Diesel.

The Fast and the Furious 13 - Tuk Tuk Wheels of Fire

This was inspired by the numerous three wheeled vehicles we spotted on the journey, and we feel it really is the future of the franchise.  Other working titles including ´Get the Tuk Tuk off my road´ and ´Don´t Tuk Tuk with Vin Diesel´ were rejected to appease censor demands.

We even had time to consider the script.

The movie starts with Vin Diesel, wearing a muscle tshirt, screaming down the Pan American highway in a tuk tuk at 40 km/h.  Cut to Vin Diesel, wearing a muscle tshirt, at a pool party with a lot of scanilty clad women.  Cut to Vin Diesel in a tuk tuk hanging out the side holding a machine gun (muscle tshirt optional here).  Cut to a lot of tuk tuks crashing into each other.  Vin Diesel walks out of the flames with no tshirt.  Scantily clad women surround him.  Vin Diesel says ¨Let´s get this tuk tuking party started¨.  Movie ends, possibly include one more tuk tuk race. Roll credits.

We arrive in Pisco.

No Fido, I don´t want your rabies

Also Fido, how on earth did you get on that roof...?

Pisco is still a bit of a mess since an earthquake that destroyed about 80 percent of the city in 2008.  There is mess and rubble everywhere, and a LOT of dogs!  They are everywhere, most of them angry.  Somehow a lot of them, like Fido, are on the roof.  Each of their mouths a drewling laboratory of some strange new strain of rabies.  Not much to see or do in Pisco, we are here just to sleep.  While at dinner I learn that my pronunciation of ´Machu Picchu´ actually translates to ´old dick´.  Apparently I need to pronounce both of the ´c´s somehow, kind of like ´Pikachu´, the loveable pokemon character.

Pisco, like Lima, has very dirty air.  Desperate for some fresh air we decide to take a few hours trip out to the Ballestas Islands to get the sea breeze and check out some birds and sea lions.  The fresh air was short lived, because basically the Ballestas Islands are one big bird shit island.  Not surprisingly, they smell like shit.  We catch a glimpse of a lot of different birds, and a few sea lions!

Back on dry land, we take a bus out to some sand dunes, I think they were near Ica.  We went dune buggying in the sand dunes, and also sand tabogganing.  These two things are unbelieveably fun!  A bit scary, especially the buggies, as they are going very fast and everytime you go over the top of a dune its 50 50 as to whether there is a gentle slope, or complete drop off, on the other side.  Not surprisingly, Intrepid have us sign a waiver to say we realise we may die...

Neither Alice nor I brought any water with us.  Stupid gringos.  It was bloody hot, and the sand dunes seem to go forever.  Fortunately, Alice has spied a source of water -

We head into this mirage for lunch.  After waiting over two hours for our meals, we begin to wonder if it is actually a mirage!  Eventually the food comes, and to make up for the wait we a treated to a free ice cream.  All is well with the world.  The ice cream of choice is named ´Sublime´, which we have coined ´Shit on a stick´, due to its striking resemblence to a nutty turd on a stick...

Time to jump on another bus and head to Nazca.  Also time for a quick photo stop on the way at Sunset.

Once we arrive in Nasca it is time to do some sight seeing.  Not satisfied with just seeing the Nasca Lines, Alice and I are determined to discover a new figure.  The monkey, the hummingbird, everyone has seen them.  We search far and wide, and we are not disappointed!

We present our findings to the world -

New Nasca Line - the Macchu Pichu (the Old Dick)

Expect to see us on the news shortly once the world hears of this great discovery.

To be truthful, we arrived late in Nasca and it was too dark to see the lines.  We did get to see a pretty boring trapezoid line the next day, but it wasn´t worth putting up here.

We also head to a pre-Inca grave site.

I will tell you wahat is interesting - one pre-Inca grave site.  I will tell you what is half interesting, two pre-Inca grave sites.  I will tell you what is boring as hell, 14 pre-Inca grave sites that all basically look the same.  Alice and I resort to classic tourist shots to relieve boredom.

We jump on a bus and head to the Nasca river to take a look at it and the aqueducts.

Wow, that water looks inviting!  Might pop in for a swim!

We spend a night in Nasca, the next night we are leaving and we have to sprint to the bus.  My form at the end of this sprint does not bode well for the Inca Trail that lies ahead...

Arequipa
We jump in a reasonably comfortable overnight bus to Arequipa.  It takes about 10 hours.  Arequipa is quite a beautiful city.  We check out a convent in the morning it is perfectly manicured, and has stunning views of the volcanos.

Doesn´t seem like being a nun in a few hundred years ago was very much of a sacrifice!  Apparently they all got one or two servants.  Mum, check out where the servants had to do the laundry!

Miss Piggy´s Revenge
So after the convent, we head into the markets.  Here we arrive at a stall, serving a drink, which I suspect Miss Piggy, after years of disfunctional muppet marriage to Kermit the Frog, invented.

Meet Kermit

I will spare you all the photos now.  But basically Kermit doesn´t realise he is about to meet a blender, along with a few other local herbs and cereals, to make me a frog thickshake.

I wasn´t going to drink it at first, but it turned out National Geographic were there, and they filmed me saying no... Not happy for the world to think of me as to weak to stomach a blended frog, I agree to be filmed while drying the cup, and give them a review after.  Look out for me on the National Geographic channel soon on a show called Taboo!

Alice has the complete evidence, so I will post that tomorrow or whenever I get access to her camera!  It actually wasnt too bad!  No sign of the apparent side effects though - apparently the Peruvians use it as a natural viagra...

P.S. in that photo Kermit is still alive! They kill him, rather brutally, in front of you, and you watch the whole thing.  Vegetarians and Vegans should possibly steer clear of these markets (that means you Anne-Marie Davies and Zarah Kerly!).

Anyway, that brings us to about now!

Tomorrow we are off to Colca Canyons.  Its about 4 in the afternoon now, so we are off to find somewhere that will serve up some pisco or sangria!

Hasta Luega!